


Achilles, Come Down

by AwkwardDuckProducktions



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: (half-jokingly said as a favor which is shot down), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Being a clone sucks, Dehumanization, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I had to give him a happy ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lots of Crying, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, by me specifically, minor sexual mention, second chapter will be happier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:35:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28698513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardDuckProducktions/pseuds/AwkwardDuckProducktions
Summary: In a server, they were talking about "what if shadows just took away the at risk clones to hide them so they could be free?"And I ran with it.Title is from Achilles, Come Down by Gang of Youth
Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & CC-5869 | Stone, CC-1010 | Fox & Mace Windu, mentioned Mace Windu & CC-6454 | Ponds
Comments: 17
Kudos: 114





	1. It Comes With the Job

There was a trick to getting onto the roof of the barracks. Part climbing, part luck, part being already a bit drunk. Three things Fox knew how to handle with ease.

It came with the job. Climbing was a key part of his training on Kamino, and with how Coruscant was set up, Fox found himself climbing more often than he expected to. The luck was being a clone. Clones made their own luck. He had his superstitions and rituals so that when they didn't work, he could blame Prime's cursed soul.

_ Kriff  _ that asshole.

The drunk bit was being Marshal Commander of the Coruscant Guard. Or, as he liked to call it, "professional blame holder." Not everyone had a template to blame, so he was the next best thing according to... everyone. He solely was why the pods of the Rotunda broke down. Why the mail was late. Why there were not enough blankets in the barracks. Why the sanitizing agent supply never seemed enough.

So the last one was maybe actually his fault. 

But alcohol was expensive for someone who didn't get paid and technically his brew was safer to drink than Gold Boys' Hooch. Whatever Cody's men put in that should be analyzed for possible explosives. His own brew was just mildly poisonous.

He liked the rooftop. It was his hour vacation. Senators he watched over would go on and on about their multi month vacations and in the same breath blame him for being the reason they needed one so long. How very fortunate he was usually left on mute in his helmet. The jokes alone would get him decommissioned.

But on the rooftop, Fox didn't have to wear his helmet. Not that he ever made a noise. He was a perfectly silent good toy-

-he took a swig of his brew to hush down that line of thought.

His brew, unlike others, didn't have a name. A name would mean others knew of its existence. And as both Wolffe and Cody are starting to catch on with his habits, he rather there wasn't a chance they knew-

-he took a swig and savored the burn.

He loved his batchmates. No matter how obnoxiously hopeful they were, he loved them. When discussions turned from current events to dreams of the future, Fox always seemed to blank on what he said his dream for after the war last time. He knew Wolffe wanted to continue studying myths and legends. Cody wished for a bakery? Cafe? A tiny restaurant of sorts. Rex wanted a nice mattress, which Fox could get behind. Ponds wanted-

-he took a swig. Silencing that thought.

The Coruscant Guard didn't have dreams. Only nightmares. Their interesting branch might actually continue after the war, which if that be the case-

-he took a swig before he could think the words.

Fox's bottle felt rudely close to empty. It was easier to slam thoughts into nice almost orderly filling when he was drunk. Getting drunk was the issue. He had to plan, make sure he skipped enough meals so that by the time night came and he was to rest, half a bottle should get him to the desired state. He didn't drink wily nily unlike some assumed. The amount of planning he put into it should prove he didn't have a problem.

"Fox, get down from the ledge." Instead he looked down at his feet to confirm he was standing on the ledge. Stone didn't sound like he was in the mood for arguing.

"Aren't you supposed to be... not babysitting me?" But the thing was, Fox was in the mood to argue.

"I wouldn't have to if you stopped-"

-Fox pointedly took a swig with a smirk.

"Strike two." Stone glared at him, lifting his arm up, ready to make the comm connection.

"I didn't say anything, that doesn't count."

"You said plenty, Fox." Three strikes. Each of the commanders of the Coruscant Guard had three strikes before a batchmate or someone that loved them was informed of their mental state. "Come down from the ledge otherwise I'm comming Wolffe."

Fox did hop down from the ledge, but remained a distance away from Stone. He would rather not clue Wolffe in on...

Everything.

His little brother didn't need to know what a mess he was. Didn't need that extra stress. He had a war to fight. A war to outlive.

Also Wolffe would sic his general on him and the thought alone of the Kel Dor trying to adopt him like a misguided hen made his stomach revolt.

"Fox-"

"- Would you let me disappear?" Stone froze at the sudden question before fishing out a ration bar from a pocket.

"In what way?" All he had to do was hold it out, Fox knew better than to test him.

"'Official channels.'" Fox couldn't help the bitter grin that came with his air quotes. Dutifully opened the ration bar and ate a piece. "Vos offered." He scowled at the name.

"I'm guessing you said no." Stone moved to sit on the ground, Fox followed suit.

"Bet'er me than you." He ate at the bar, not paying attention to Stone's reaction.

"What do you mean?"

"Bet'er I be Professional Blame Holder." It was the truth. He was perfect for the job. "Bet'er I-"

-the nausea hit him like a blaster shot, whether from the mix of ration bar and alcohol in his stomach or the lack of memory of why his words caused a shiver to run down his spine.

He breathed.

In slowly.

Out slowly.

In slowly. 

Out slowly. 

"Wished you had taken it." Was all Stone could say.

"Wished you did the same when he offered you a while back." Fox countered.

Stone didn't fight back.

"You could still take it, you know." At the end of the day, that was who Fox was. An older brother. With nearly 3 million younger brothers. He can't do much in the way of wars and senators, but he can do something about a few. "We'd be fine-"

"-Try that the  _ kriff _ again." Stone snapped at him. "I just found you on the  _ karking  _ ledge with some sort of alcohol that I don't want to even begin to think where you got it. You're obviously not fine and the only reason why I haven't commed Wolffe to pick your sorry ass up is because I'm still working on my Sheev signature."

Fox didn't fight back.

Stone rubbed his face.

He stood.

And held out his hand.

Fox grabbed his helmet and stood with him.

"You hold the stylus wrong." Was that hope in Stone's eyes? Was it the delight of a puzzle solved? The dream that Fox would tell Vos he was wrong?

Whatever it was, Fox didn't have the heart to tell him it was preparation.

It came with the job. 


	2. Kriff the Job

_Kriff_ this job.

Fox was on the roof again, this time not on the physical ledge. He wedged himself in a far corner, tucked in under his arms, braced for impact. Focusing too hard on getting his breathing in check.

In slowly.

Out slowly- it ends with a stutter and he was gasping wildly again.

He took a swig and tried again.

In slowly.

Out slow- Fox choked on the reverberating memory of that day's event. Tears chilled the moment they left his eyes. He wanted to strip off his armor but as much as it was his prison, it was also his only protection.

He took a swig and focused on happier memories.

The easiest one he could remember was back on Kamino. There was his batch, Wolffe sitting across from him with Kote resting on his thigh. Ponds was tucked underneath Fox's arm. He remembered the way Guarddog's shoulder was the perfect place for his own head as Wolffe would tell them stories. The way passion lit up in his eyes as told myth after legend after myth. Wolffe was Fox's first pride. To see him being so unbridled with the joy of learning and to be able to say that that was his little brother made Fox's heart burst again and again with pride. He never wanted this to change-

-he took a swig and tried a different one.

Fox only had been to 79's a few times, dragged down by visiting commanders or batchmates. One of his happiest memories was there however. The entire batch had managed to somehow be on Coruscant together at the same time. They wasted no time on having a batch night to celebrate and to bemoan. The round table in the corner that night was the closest thing Fox had to an idea of home. Rex leaned against Kote, who kept a protective arm around his shoulders. Wolffe and Ponds bonding over the crazy shenanigans their generals did. Fox knew Guarddog was there in spirit. This had to be home, from the way his face ached from laughing so much to the way he could reach out and hold each of them as proof that they were all here. They were all-

-he took a swig and tried another one.

Thire and Thorn-

-nope. He had to try that again.

Riyo held his bare hand in hers. Her smile gentle but with a flicker of mischief. She guided a dumbstruck Fox to the couch by his hand like he was a cadet again. He knew the feeling of love, but it was different when he heard her say his name. It was like drowning on air. Each breath he sank deeper, never choking, never dying. Alive. Beautifully and wonderfully-

-Fox took a swig and let it burn so he could feel alive once more.

"If there is someone up here, I must ask you to show yourself." Fox nearly dropped his bottle at the sound of that voice. He hadn't heard anyone come up and the voice wasn't a clone. "You are on Republic property."

"I am Republic property." Fox muttered to himself. However that was enough for the jedi to pinpoint his location apparently.

"Commander Fox?" General Windu appeared in front of him. Fox took a moment to assess the situation:

  1. He was huddled into a corner.
  2. He was sure his face looked like a mess.
  3. He wasn't wearing his helmet.
  4. There was a once full bottle of homebrew in his hand.
  5. The former general of Ponds just heard him say "I am Republic property."



Conclusion: _Karking_ hell.

"If I suck your dick, will you not tell anyone you found me?" Fox hated the slight slur in his voice.

If he was disgusted or considering it, General Windu gave no hint of it either way. Instead he disengaged his lightsaber, attached it back to his belt, and knelt down in front of Fox. An uncomfortable silence fell between the two as Fox tried to think of an escape.

"... No." Windu finally answered with a sigh.

"You sure? 'Cause I've had plenty-"

"Stop." Fox hated how easy it was to shut him up. "I do not want to hear that." The general sighed wearily. "I will not accept any favors, sexual or not, from you at this time. You're drunk."

"And I thought the Jedi Council was supposed to be some of the smartest." He bit back. Regret only lasted until he heard a huff of a laugh from the general.

"At times, the smart thing to do is to state the obvious." Windu replied. "Especially with those who refuse to acknowledge it."

"I'm not arguing on my state." There was a pride undeniably in his voice. Fox was trying to get drunk. That was the point.

"Maybe not. But you are hesitant on someone knowing I found you like this."

"And you wouldn't be?" Windu gave a fair nod in lieu of a response. "What are you doing up here anyways?"

"There was a disturbance in the Force." _Karking_ _jetii._

"You know that doesn't hold up in the court of law, right?" Fox would blame the alcohol later if it came to it, but really he had been curious if the Jedi knew they couldn't use it as an excuse. "You can't be on trial and be like 'There was a disturbance in the Force, that was why I was found in the empty apartment.'"

"That would be only if we got caught." General Windu was not smiling externally. But he was deep inside.

Fox gave a fair nod in lieu of a response, unable to help the half of a smirk twitching up before taking another swig.

"But I did sense something dark lurking up here." His hidden smile was gone from his voice. "I figured it might be another assassination attempt."

"On who?" Fox laughed bitterly at the notion. "These are the barracks. I'd hope that any assassin would plan better than to make their entrance here." He looked off to the neverending city skyline and took another swig. He had drank more than he wanted to but in Fox's defense, it had been a really rough day.

He took another swig to avoid thinking about the day.

"Less paperwork for me anyways." Fox tacked on with a huff of a laugh.

"I suppose I assumed desperate time." And silence wedged itself between the two. Windu made no move to stop Fox and Fox made no move to stop drinking.

He must be that far gone if even the _jetii_ wouldn't try saving him. Which was fine, he could save himself. Fox _was_ saving himself.

"My former commander used to tell me that the Coruscant Guard was why anything got signed relatively on time." Fox continued to stare at the skyline, knowing deep down, this will be his grave. He can save himself day to day, but he was going to die here.

"Ponds wasn't supposed to tell you that." He replied softly, feeling the creeping lump in his throat desperate to find root there. "But you're welcome."

"He was also one of the leading voices for a-"

"-I already told Vos I didn't want to go." He turned back to Windu and was almost taken aback by the worry in his eyes. "You Jedi have it easy with your selflessness. My pain is mine and I don't want anyone else to have to do this job." The same words he had told Vos weeks ago, each time he spoke them, they tripled in weight.

"Is that where Ponds got it from?" It was Windu's turn to look away, up to the unseeable stars. "He used to argue with me about pain and selfishness like it was a hobby." Fox tried to respond but couldn't find his voice. Only the threat of tears and anger. "He was a good man. Stubborn, argumentative, but one of-"

"-stop." He found his voice buried deep inside desperation. Inside the understanding he was already pushing his luck drinking as much as he had and then eventually trying to make his way back down. Not that Fox feared death, just... "Don't... not tonight." Windu understood and nodded, letting Fox take a moment to collect himself.

Fox focused on breathing.

In slowly.

Out in a stuttering mess as tears forced their way out again.

In shakily.

Out-

_"-Fox, what happened?" Thorn wanted to help. Fox knew he wanted to help. But he knew momentarily help wouldn't change anything._

_"It's fine. Go back to bed-"_

"-Fox? Can you hear me-"

_"-Wait did that-"_

_"-it's fine, Thorn." They both knew it wasn't._

_"_ Karking _hell, Fox. You should have-"_

"-listen to me." Windu finished in a steady whisper, Fox could hear him clearly now. His hand had pried Fox's open and held his bottle away. "You are doing no one any good killing yourself like this. You cannot be selfish with pain, it is a slow explosion and everyone who has cared about you is in that blast radius." Fox was sure that the great master had heard these words himself. Has been in his place. "You have to talk to someone-"

"-me talking about half the shit that goes on here would be considered treachery." If Windu wanted him to talk, Fox would talk. He was good at making people realize how bad an idea it was to undermine him. "Anything I have to say would get me reconditioned or decommissioned if I spoke to a non-clone and if I spoke to a clone, we'd both get reconditioned." Fox narrowed his eyes, getting up on his knees like a predator making himself bigger. "None of this is the easy solution, Windu. Someone has to be Marshal Commander and if it's me, then I can rest knowing whatever my guards feel they can get through it. Because being Marshal Commander is a silent order for suicide, but I was in charge of some of the biggest assholes- including Ponds- on Kamino so they can't get rid of me that easily." Fox wanted to leave. He had planned on leaving. But he looked at the old general again. And he wasn't a general. He wasn't a master of some magic arts. He was just a man. Someone who had lost a dear loved one and was losing him again.

_That was what happened when you care for a clone_ , Fox thought, _you get to watch them die again and again._

"If you left, you could talk about the things." But Windu was still trying to change the fates. Just as stubborn as Ponds was. No wonder why Ponds admired him.

"Someone still has to be Marshal Commander." Fox had to laugh, they must have been a force to be reckoned with when Ponds was with him. "What people don't understand is that I would leave if I could. I hate this job. I hate this _karking_ city. This _karking_ planet. All the _karking_ citizens that spit on us and attack us that we still _karking_ protect. But I can't." Laughter and sobbing came as one tangled mess out of him.

He tried to take a swig and then remembered who had his bottle.

"I don't drink to die, believe it or not. I drink because even though I am hopeless about my own life, I refuse to give up." He brushed away the tears, but found them to be unstoppable. His chest ached with the scream that had only been building since the death of Guarddog. Since Kote's "additional training" that left him a fiery nightmare. Since the constant threats on Rex's life. Since the death of Ponds. Fox was a terrible oldest brother, he deserved this burden.

"If I swore to you that I would help protect the next Marshal Commander, would you go?" Windu was still trying.

"You're gone most of the time." It wasn't a no, which Windu caught in an instant.

"If I swore that I would expose the treatment of the Coruscant Guard, would you go?"

"It all ends in their demise." Fox had tried before to come up with a way. Reason he turned to drinking, hopeless but still trying. "I've already tried coming up with a way."

"Yes, but you have my help now."

"It's not as impressive as you think it is." Fox gave a shaky laugh. "I have the help of a senator, albeit a small planet senator but even her and her allies wouldn't be able to guarantee their safety." He stood up on shaky legs. "I appreciate the offer, General Windu, but this is a hopeless situation. Even by Jedi standards."

"Then we're not thinking big enough." He stood beside Fox, gently resting a hand on his elbow. "It's high time that the Jedi Council did more than taking the injured and at-risk away. We are just feeding into the cycle." Fox opened his mouth to argue, to fight. But every inch of him screamed in relief that Windu agreed. "The 91st aren't set to leave for another five days, do you think your guards can be prepared to leave in that time?"

"It's not like we have a lot to pack." Fox joked as they slowly made their way across the roof. "What are you thinking? Just stealing all of us? And then what?"

"The biggest scandal in all of Coruscant's history." Windu wasn't smiling externally. But he was giddy in his monotone way. "I hope you don't have any fond memories of the barracks."

"A building getting destroyed hardly makes the board." Something new lit in him the more Windu talked. Or maybe it has always been there Fox just forgot how warm hope could be.

"No, but it certainly the collective deaths of the Coruscant Guard along with the exposure of their treatment would certainly be a moral turning point." Fox reached down to pick up his helmet from where he had kicked it hours ago, feeling all too silly with his grin but couldn't stop himself.

"I... need to sleep on it." Windu nodded knowingly and continued to help him down to the stairs. When they made it inside the barracks, Fox expected Windu to leave. But the hand on his elbow stayed until Fox was outside the Commanders dorm room.

"Drink some water and get some rest." _You will live and you will witness your guards be happy_ . Fox swore he heard it underneath his words. Force _karkery_ , he figured. "Think on it once you're rested."

"I will." Fox promised in a whisper. The general removed his hand and turned to leave, but stopped in his tracks. He turned back to Fox. 

"May I say one thing about my former commander?" Fox's smile slipped a little, yet he still nodded. "Ponds looked up to you. Thought of you as one of the kindest selfless idiots in the galaxy. Force knows he made sure I knew I was one." Windu laughed softly and was just a man. "He loves you, Fox. Even in the Force, he loves you. He remains eternal with us."

Fox wanted to ask, but Windu turned around once more and left without a word.

Fox breathed.

In slowly.

Out slowly.

And went to bed with hope in his heart.


End file.
